Mistaking Kindness for Weakness…
It’s an interesting perception that many think of kindness as some sort emotional frailty and softness.
People who view kindness in this way are usually low on empathy themselves and don’t want to consider that being vulnerable is not weak, but actually shows strength of character.
My grandmother told me once that she walked through life imagining that everyone had a sign on them that read ‘Make me feel special’.
Empathy is a basic human aspect of emotion that a lot of people lack because they were never allowed or given the opportunity to develop it. We are all products of how we are raised and people who lack empathy have quite often been bought up this way by dysfunctional parenting or they’ve experienced abuse.
Saying that, plenty of people have dysfunctional upbringings but still manage to be well rounded and caring individuals. But some people just miss out or are unable, or too avoidant, to tackle this part of themselves.
Dr Sam Vaknin pinpoints ‘lack of empathy’ as the top narcissistic trait, because having empathy means engaging with emotions and having a healthy emotional state.
People lacking empathy can also be angry, may be protecting themselves, have fear of intimacy or perhaps don’t wish to show empathy in case it denotes approval for a person’s situation which might remind them of themself.
Empathy is the latest buzzword in employment circles and leadership.
Companies that score the highest on empathy generate 50 percent more earnings than those in the bottom ten.
More engaged workers in highly empathic companies are 21% more likely to be profitable than others.
76% of employees say empathy drives greater productivity.
It’s a no brainer!
So what makes empathic people and empathy so enticing to employers? In studies, there are traits which all empathic people share.
- Highly Empathic People (HEPs)have curiosity towards strangers. This means that they ask questions, are better listeners, are open to new experiences, cultures, belief systems and embrace difference.
- HEPs challenge prejudices and discover commonalities within groups. The result of this in a work environment is team bonding and cohesion. It makes employees more likely to support others and create emotional stability in teams. This leads to less stress and less sick days and more productivity
- HEP’s expand their empathic resonance by gaining direct experience of other people’s lives. They are literally willing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. This is particularly useful in any sort of client facing work or once again, in team environments. Empathic managers have far more cohesive and successful teams than autocratic managers.
- HEP’s listen well and are happy to show vulnerability. This is important in all walks of life but in the office, a leader who is able to show vulnerability to employees conjures far more respect. People work harder for well respected leadership.
- Empathic people inspire mass action and is necessary for social change. Look at how many people in other countries marched for Black Lives Matter recently and continue to do so. Without empathy, there would be little or no change.
- HEP’s don’t just empathise. They have the ability to think themselves into other people’s experiences in a way which can promote wider understanding. They can hold two opposing thoughts in their minds at the same time, try on cognitive dissonance and find the commonality in both. They can draw allegiances from places which then leads to the formation of strategies for growth.
If you’ve ever worked in sales, you’ll get this.
It’s a mistake to assume kindness is a weakness when it’s one of the most desirable traits to an employer and the building blocks of good employment, open society, acceptance and change.
